9 Months In Review

First experience with morning sickness::

* I left work early feeling nauseous and light-headed and just as I got on the toll, I threw up all over my car. I just wanted to get home as fast as possible so instead of pulling over I gunned it to nearly 90 mph, turned the A/C on full blast and proceeded to throw up in between my legs. From that day forward (Weeks 9-12) I traveled strictly on the access roads with a cup or some kind of sack.

Receiving Acts of Kindness...or Pity::

It's likely a southern thing, but it's almost embarrassing what people will do for you if you rub your belly & sigh heavily::

*People held doors for me

*A woman spared toilet paper

*People gave up their place in line

*By month 7 people offered me a chair to sit in nearly everywhere I went

*I received crazy service perks like a nail tech throwing in extra treatments or a masseuse extending the length of a service

*People picked things up for me

*People reached for me

*People gave me the right of way on the street

*People gave me water

*People gave me discounts

*People gave me free coffee

*People helped me get out of chairs

*People gave me their umbrellas

*People ran errands for me

*People held my purse as I shopped

*One guy gave me an extra chicken nugget because I accidentally winked at him as I was trying not to lose a contact lens.

Situations I Didn't Think I'd Be In::

*Planned a funeral

*Performed 4 live gigs

*Was on 6th Street until midnight

*Attended 3 funerals

*Had my entire face threaded (Like waxing)

*Made numerous hospital visits as a Pastor On-Call

*Babysat for five 8 year olds

*Entertained the idea of being a stay at home mom

*Was a designated driver

*Found a bat in my house

*Found lots of gray hairs in my head

*Helped build a new ministry

Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman::

*"You look really uncomfortable"

*"I don't think they make that ice cream anymore"

*"Okay, so you wanted the double cheeseburger with bacon and..."

*"Let's try a size bigger"

*"You may want to try a sports bra"

*(Wincing) "Are you going to deliver vaginally?"

*"How much weight do you think you've gained?"

*"Do you mind if I smoke?"

*"Can I be in the delivery room"

Mishaps & Embarrassing Moments I've Had::

*Said out loud, "Aw shit! I forgot pasta sauce" Only to turn and see a small child standing next to me in the check out line and receive a well deserved frowny face from his mom.

*Side swiped a woman in a church parking lot

*My boss found me asleep on a co-worker's couch with a bag of Doritos on my belly

*Rear ended a woman in the Lowe's parking lot

*Walked out of a Macy's dressing room & into the mall with my maternity pants on backwards and didn't realize it until I was well into my 2nd cookie from the food court

*Asked the Pharmacist for a discount because I thought the prescriptions were a little high

*Fell asleep on the couch in my undies while watching hour 6 of shark week

*Made cumin french toast instead of cinnamon french toast

*Came THIS close to calling the cops on what I thought was a burglar, but turned out to be my neighbor's black cat